it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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