Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize