Tell her she can't have a vagina
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
