Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
