Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
