; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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