I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
