Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
