How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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