You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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