I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
