I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
