Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
