Are we in a gay sports bar?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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