I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
