We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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