he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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