i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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