Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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