A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you still have your period?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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