nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
