I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
