man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
