Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
