i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
