Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
