Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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