Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
