if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
