i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
