and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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