The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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