Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
