Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He did a backflip because drugs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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