I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
