I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
