Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
