The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
