I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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