I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
