Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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