We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
