There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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