just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well you can't waste a boner
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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