I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
