Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
