You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
