You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
