apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Vodka?
Forever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
