Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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