I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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