I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
