i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
