Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
