got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
