i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize