hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
