sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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