We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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