I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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