IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
