Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
