I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
