Please, let me fuck your mom
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am available for nakedness
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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