This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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