this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
