Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
