u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
