i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
