Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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