"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
